Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
