Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
