i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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