So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize