i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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