I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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