Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
