apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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