finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
