It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Randomize