i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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