I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
