i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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