imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
