I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
