Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
There's even glitter on my cock...
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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