I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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