During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
