I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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