i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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