walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
