the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
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