Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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