if you like me you must not know who I am
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
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