My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
