I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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