Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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