Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
