Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
