Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
