If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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