Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
two words...techno handjob
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
