not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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