I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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