We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize