about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
