Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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