this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
