Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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