Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize