You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
