oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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