Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
one might say we're banned from that church
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
