i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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