I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
