Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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