I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
The power of my boobs compel you
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
