i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
