this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
