he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
