I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
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