Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Welp...herpes.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Randomize
