The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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