I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
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