my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
