they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
