I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Randomize
