I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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