I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
My penis needs a shock collar
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize