My boss' voice literally gives me gas
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
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