Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
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