I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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