I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
