Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
