She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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