Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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