I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
