So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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