how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
